At det skulle komme tilbake nå skremmer meg

Nå var det endelig på tide å skrive litt.

Jeg er har funnet ut at jeg er typen som skriver når jeg selv synes at det er nødvendig, og ikke når jeg ikke føler at jeg ikke har noe å skrive eller på hjertet. Bloggen må være ekte og den skal være til hjelp for dere der ute.

Den siste tiden som har vært siden show-premieren i Bergen har vært litt opp og ned må jeg si, men spennende.

jeg har funnet sider ved meg selv som jeg liker og som jeg slettes ikke liker i det hele tatt. Jeg er klar over at man ikke skal skylde på ADHD´n sin i enkelte situasjoner men at utfallet i enkelte situasjoner kan trigges av diagnosen er nok tilfelle.

Den siste tiden har jeg lagt merke til at jeg er lett antennelig, sint og sur.

Når jeg blir sint kan det sammenlignes med et barn på 6, som ikke får det han vil i butikken, som legger seg ned i frustrasjon over at den ene sjokoladen som han hadde lyst på der og da ikke blir med i handleposen hjem.

Fra spøk til revolver her om dagen var jeg på «shopping» sammen med ei venninne, turen var lagt opp til at vi skulle finne forskjellige nytte ting og se på kler.

Hun kommenterer noe jeg gjør, noe som jeg ikke er enig i, men som jeg reagerer voldsomt på. Jeg stopper opp momentant å sier at jeg vil dra hjem, nå med engang!

Enden på visa er at hele turen er ødelagt, de planene som ble lagt ble lagt på is (fra min side) og selv om hun foreslo at vi skulle fortsette turen så var ikke jeg enig i det, jeg skulle en ting å det var å dra hjem.

Fort legger jeg merke til at kroppen går i lås, jeg skal hjem og beveger meg ikke en meter fra døra, jeg skal ut den døra, inn i bilen og hjem.

For publikum rundt så sikkert dette helt vanvittig dumt ut, hvorfor kunne jeg ikke bare slutte å diskutere med hun, hvorfor kunne jeg ikke bare innrømme at jeg hadde feil eller mistolket det hun sa og hvorfor i alle dager kunne jeg ikke bare akseptere at hun ønsket å gå videre, at hun hadde lagt situasjonen bak seg, den var glemt fra hennes side.

Hos meg var situasjonen mer en bare glemt, den lå der som et ferskt minne, som en krig jeg skulle vinne og noe jeg absolutt ikke skulle akseptere var at hun var ferdig snakket om det, mens jeg bare fortsatte.

I slike situasjoner har det en lei tendens til å eskalere, til å bli større en hva det  i utgangspunktet var. Det er rett og slett flaut å bare gi seg, si at jeg beklager, at det var jeg som tok feil.

Jeg har ikke opplevd dette siden jeg var barn, at det skulle komme tilbake nå skremmer meg, at det ikke går ann å ta ting opp med meg uten at jeg skal bli sint eller forbannet, var det dette ADHD-medisinen skulle hjelpe meg med å unngå?

jeg ble like forbannet og sint selv om jeg tok medisinen, husker jeg.

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