Den der jævla ANGSTEN!

Alexander hvem er du i vennegjengen, på jobben eller på scena var et spørsmål jeg fikk hos legen min her om dagen.

Jeg begynte å lure på hva han egentlig mente med det?

Kort svarer jeg at jeg nok er den muntre, vimsete, omsorgsfulle, litt sjarmerende  og kanskje den som sier ting som ikke henger helt på greip.

I samtalen kommer vi litt inn på hva jeg skriver på nett, at jeg skriver så åpent om psykisk helse, han mente at dette var positivt for meg og at jeg burde skrive enda mer.

Tidligere har jeg sagt at jeg mener at vi lever i et lukket samfunn preget av frykt for å ikke bli godkjent for den man er. Vi lever i generasjonen prestasjon, hvor ingenting er godt nok.

Nylig var jeg i Spania – Gran Canaria for å lese manus til showet «Mannen i speilet» som har premiere 13 mai i Fana kulturhus i Bergen. Turen i seg selv var fantastisk, jeg la merke til noe  som jeg alltid prøver å forhindre, den der jævla angsten, angsten for å ikke prestere i en helt vanlig hverdag.

 

Hva er egentlig angst?

Angst er ubehagelig, men ikke farlig. Det finnes forskjellige typer angst, men fellestrekk er følelse av frykt eller sterkt ubehag. Angst kan være et tegn på at man har levd med for mye stress og belastninger over lang tid.

Visste du at angst er en av de vanligste psykiske helseplagene i Norge. Om lag 30 prosent får en angstlidelse i løpet av livet. Ofte opptrer angst i kombinasjon med depresjon. Det kan være vanskelig å kjenne forskjell på bekymringer og angst, eller å vite hvordan du kan forhindre at angsten utvikler seg. Det er ikke farlig å ha angst, selv om du føler det sånn.

Jeg er en av dem som er  flink til å tulle, le det vekk eller rett og slett ikke snakke om det i det hele tatt.

I dag snakker vi mer åpent og ærlig om vår psykiske helse, men en utfordring som vi ikke snakker mye om er det å ha angst.

Det vanskeligste med angsten er nok at ingen ser den, den er som en sjult liten jævel som bare venter på å komme fram når du minst ønsker det.

Foto: Mattis A. Falch

På Gran Canaria hadde jeg en helt «enkel» frisør time, en time jeg hadde bestilt en uke i forveien. Dagen starter med at jeg går å grubler på hvordan jeg skal møte vedkommende som skal klippe meg, hvordan jeg skal snakke for å ikke bli oppfattet som rar eller mindre intelligent. Det viktigste av alt er å IKKE stamme (henge seg opp i ordene) ved det første møtet.

Dagen ender med at jeg setter meg ned på en restaurant like i nærheten av frisøren, ringer en venn og  forblir sittende.

Jeg tar meg selv i å se på klokka for å sørge for at jeg snakker lenge nok til at jeg ikke rekker frisørtimen.

Dette gjør at jeg tror at jeg skaper en god unnskyldning for å ikke møte opp til avtalt tid, til vanlig er jeg flink til å holde tidsskjema.

Stammingen har vært og er en del av meg hele livet og kommer til å være det resten også. Som barn har dette vært en del av meg som jeg ikke har vært stolt over, men heller noe som har stått i veien for at jeg skal prestere normal, trudde jeg.

For meg har det å stamme skapt situasjoner som har vært så ekle at jeg ikke helt har forstått hvordan jeg kan løse dem

Foto: Mattis A. Falch

To gode eksempler/Situasjoner i hverdagen:

Eksempel 1 

På skolen var jeg han som ikke leste høyt framfor klassen, jeg var han som pratet mest i timene og skapte mye uro rundt meg. Det å lese høyt var en trigger for at stammingen skulle komme, det var en usikker situasjon som jeg selv ikke kunne kontrollere.

Første time på Rønvik barneskole, det er Norsk å vi har fått i oppgave å lese om en av de fremste naturalistiske forfatterne i Norge, Amalie skram.

jeg visste denne dagen ville komme, vi hadde allerede fått 2 uker på å lese oss opp, slik at vi kunne lese dette høyt for klassen, stykke vis.

Angsten kom når det var min tur til å lese, min tur til å prestere. innerst inne visste jeg at usikkerheten var så sterk at jeg kom til å stamme mens jeg leste, jeg bare visste det.

Følelsen av å høre de andre elvene lese flytende uten noe problem ble for sterk, jeg klarte ikke å være like flink som dem.

Før det var min tur var jeg forsvunnet, jeg hadde tatt meg turen til skole toalettet, ikke for å spy men for å slippe unna å lese når det var min tur.

Eksempel 2 

Jeg er på sikkerhetskurs med jobb, instruktøren på kurset skal vise oss enkle grep for å få en tryggere arbeidshverdag. Av alle 30 deltagere så velger han selvfølgelig meg som prøvekanin, han peker på meg, klumpen i magen kommer raskt.

Det værste som kan skje nå er at han stiller meg et så enkelt spørsmål som, hva heter du?

Rundt meg står alle mine kollegaer, de jeg faktisk aldri har stammet framfør tidligere. Du lurer nok på Hvorfor? Grunnen for det er at jeg ikke har blitt satt i en presset situasjon hvor jeg må prestere på det muntlige plan.

Det jeg håpet IKKE skulle skje, skjer nå, han lurer på hva navnet mitt er….

Mange tanker farer i gjennom hodet, skal jeg løpe min vei, hvor er utgangen, kan jeg gå på do eller skal jeg rett og slett bare prøve å si navnet mitt, så ser vi hvordan det går?

Pulsen stiger, hjerte banker, jeg begynner å svette og det kjennes ut som pusten stopper opp.

Foto: Mattis a. Falch

Jeg starter med bokstaven A ( i Alexander) å hører at dette ikke går, men velger å ikke gi meg. Når jeg presenterer meg blir det hørende slik ut – Aaaaaaaaaaaalexander. det værste som kunne skje har skjedd, jeg klarte faen ikke fortelle navnet mitt, ordentlig.

jeg tror nok at folk tenker tanker som, hva er det som er galt med deg? Kan du ikke skjerpe deg, roe deg ned? Du er oppmerksomhetssyk, ta deg sammen.. Dette er noe som de fleste med angst opplever at uvitende mennesker rundt sier, eller tenker.

Å gå rundt med angst er som å ha kroppen full av melkesyre , du vet aldri når, hvor og hvordan den slår til . Jeg kaller den en snikskytter.

Det er ikke alltid like lett når du våkner om morgningen, sitter på skolebenken, eller er på sikkerhetskurs og den plutselig kommer snikende uten at du vet hva du skal gjøre med den.

Kroppen svekkes, du blir kald innvendig, kvalm og føler at alt går rundt. Redselen tar knekken på alle følelsene. Noen ganger tenker du «jeg vil bare dø». Det er viktig å ha trygge mennesker rundt seg når anfallene kommer, og mennesker som prøver å forstå og som godtar «sykdommen».  

Vis respekt og se mennesker for den dem er.

Du kan bli kvitt angsten eller lære å håndtere den bedre, med rett behandling og ved hjelp av egen innsats.

Det finnes flere behandlingsmetoder for angstlidelser. Det er viktig at du finner en type behandling som passer for deg, og at du selv aktivt deltar i prosessen. Du må jobbe med å møte de situasjonene som for deg skaper angst. Noen klarer dette på egen hånd, mens andre trenger hjelp fra en terapeut. Snakk med fastlegen din om hvordan du kan få best hjelp.

Behandling for angst kan være egne treningsprogrammer hvor du «utsetter» deg selv for det som gir deg angst. Dette kalles eksponeringsterapi. En slik behandling kan også kombineres med samtaleterapi. Gjennom denne behandlingsformen vil du og terapeuten samarbeide om å bryte tankemønstrene som er med på å opprettholde problemene. Noen kommuner har tilbud om «Rask psykisk helsehjelp». Ta også gjerne kontakt med Angstringen som har selvhjelpsgrupper som mange finner det nyttig å delta i.

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