Denne teksten om ADHD er blandt det beste vi noensinne har lest!

Af

Jeg er akkurat som du men fortsatt helt annerledes.

Jeg føler de samme følelsene, opplever de samme tingene. Bare litt mer. Når jeg er glad er jeg overlykkelig. Når jeg er sint er jeg forbannet. Når jeg er trist er jeg fortvilet. Når noen sårer meg føles det som om hele verden går under. Når jeg får en klem blir alt umiddelbart bra igjen samme hvor ille det var nå nettopp.

Iblandt tar jeg alt personlig. Alt som skjer føles som det er rettet mot meg. Og ettersom jeg mangler en ventil i hjernen min så må alt komme ut på en annen måte, oftest gjennom munnen. Jeg høres kanskje sint ut. Du synes kanskje at jeg overdriver. Men siden jeg mangler den der ventilen som du har, så blir ting som skjer veldig store for meg. Jeg får ingen sjangs til å sortere tankene og rense bort det dålige. Det som ikke er realistisk.

Jeg er ingen dårlig lytter men iblandt har jeg vansker med å konsentrere meg. Dryppingen fra kranen, en bil som kjører forbi, et par på en benk; alt som du med hjelp av din ventil kan sile bort blir igjen i hodet hos meg. Jeg ser leppene dine røre seg men noen ganger er jeg lei, og da klarer jeg ikke å høre hva du sier til tross for at jeg virkelig prøver. Jeg gjør det ikke for å ignorere deg det er bare for at det finnes så mye annet å høre på. Og er vi i et helt stille rom så lytter jeg i stedet på stillheten som blandes med tankene i hodet mitt. For der, der er det aldri stille.

Iblandt blir du lei av meg for at jeg har spurt deg om en ting og så nesten umiddelbart stiller samme spørsmål igjen.
Nei, jeg er ikke dum i hodet, treg eller teit. Det er bare sånn at svaret du ga meg har forsvunnet blandt alle andre tanker i mitt hode. Så da må jeg spørre igjen. Og kanskje en gang til for at det skal sette seg skikkelig. For at jeg skal huske det.

Å ligge på sofaen en hel kveld og se på film fungerer sjelden for meg. Etter en stund begynner det å krible i kroppen, jeg mister konsentrasjonen min og ser på alt annet bortsett fra det som skjer på tv-skjermen. Da er det min kropp som snakker om at jeg trenger litt variasjon. Min tålmodighet har tatt slutt samme hvor bra jeg syntes filmen var. Gi min overtrøtte hjerne en pause i ti minutter så kan vi fortsette etterpå. Min skalle har ikke samme kapasitet til å bearbeide inntrykk som din og blir fort lei.

Blir du gal av min evige pilling på telefoner, sengtøyet, klær og alt annet som jeg får mellom fingrene? Det er bare min måte å få bort litt energi for å kunne holde fokuset videre på deg.

I mellomtiden føles det kanskje som at jeg ikke forstår deg og dine følelser. Men jeg forstår så mye mer enn det jeg kan sette ord på.
For når det er sterke følelser i omløp blir hjernen min styrt av dem og ingen ord kan komma ut fra leppene mine. Jeg har fullt opp med å holde kontroll på kroppen slik at den ikke utfører uønskede handlinger mot meg selv eller andre.

Slenger jeg ting overalt? Kaos er min måte å holde ordning. Ettersom det er kaos i hodet på meg jevnt så er det da jeg føler meg trygg. Det er da jeg føler at jeg har kontroll.

Blir du overrasket over hvordan jeg kan være forbannet i det ene sekundet og i neste hvor glad som helst? Bli ikke det. Mitt humør styres helt av hvilken følelse som får overtaket. Og slik kan endres fort. I min hjerne er alt i stadig bevegelse. Iblandt rekker jeg ikke å henge med.

Havner jeg ofte i konflikt med andre? Det er bare for at jeg hater urettferdigehet og nekter å se på mens andre mennesker havner i trøbbel.
Å blande seg er min spesialitet. Jeg gjør det ikke for å være plagsom men for at jeg mangler den feige sperren som pleier å kjennetegne mennesker. Jeg mangler konsekvenstanker og setter meg ofte i farlige situasjoner for å redde mennesker jeg liker eller føler medlidelse for.

Du synes kanskje at jeg er ekspert på å skjemme meg ut. Du skjønner, jeg ser ikke på å være høylytt, hoppe i vannpytter eller le høyt som pinlig. Jeg gjør det som faller meg inn. Det jeg føler for i stunden. Jeg har ikke tid til å fundere på hva andre mennesker tenker om meg. Det finnes så mye annet som distraherer.

Jeg forstår ikke instruksjoner like raskt som du. Iblandt har kanskje noen forklart samme ting for meg ti ganger uten at jeg forstod en eneste ting. Så kommer noen andre og da forstår jeg plutselig med en gang. For meg handler det nemlig ikke om hva du sier men hvordan du sier det.

Lei av at jeg mister nøklene hver gang vi skal noen plass for å så alltid finne dem i jakkelommen når vi kommer hjem?
Det er bare å venne seg til det. Min hjerne er så opptatt av omgivelsene at den ikke har tid til å huske hvor greiene havner. Jeg legger det fra meg uten å tenke på det.

Vi med ADHD/ADD er intensive. Vi føler mer. Vi hater mer. Vi sørger mer. Men vi elsker også mer. For når vi elsker noen så gjør vi det ikke bare med hjertet men med hele kroppen.

Når du føler at du ikke orker å være forstående lenger, gå ut. Ta en pause. Ta en pause fra oss, for vi kan være nok så slitsomme. Det skjer alltid noe når vi er med. Vi er i stadig bevegelse. Men vi er ikke bare intensive og hyperaktive. Vi er også både intelligente og kreative. Vi har bare en annen måte å tenke på, siden vi mangler den der ventilen. Vi har for å overleve skapt vår egne lille måte å være og reagere på.

Det må du la oss få lov til.

Og gir du oss den sjangsen, sjangsen til å få være akkurat den vi er, lar oss få utnytte alt positivt som vårt handikapp medfører så kommer du til å se hvor mye vi har å gi deg. Du kommer til å forstå. Og være stolt over at akkurat du får være med på vår reise og oppdage verden i vårt perspektiv.

Innlegget er skrevet av Nadia Salwin og vi er svært glade over å få publisere denne. Her finner dere hennes blogg, hun er bra.

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