Mobbing, et våpen som funket

Året er 1999, det er første skoledag ved Rønvik barneskole i Bodø, Nordland.

En liten, rund, mørkhudet og spent gutt spaserer hånd i hånd med sin mor nedover gangveien mot skoleplassen i sine nye klær og blinkende nye sko.

Nede ved skoleplassen er det et sant kaos av mennesker, skolesekker, barn som gråter og foreldre som virker stresset av at barnet deres løper, kryper og danser rundt i sine nye klær.

Rektors tale setter i gang, sannhetens time er kommet, jeg blir ropt, får utdelt en lærer, en klasse og skoleåret er startet!

 

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Bilde av meg første skoledag 1999

Det jeg skriver over hær husker jeg som om det skulle vært i går, en ny tilværelse, nye venner og nye opplevelser i et ellers så innholdsrikt barneliv.

Jeg husker også følelsen av ensomhet når jeg var på skolen, selv om jeg har utalt meg om hvor glad jeg var i å være på skolen, som om det var mitt andre hjem.

Ensomheten, etter å ha noen som var ”lik” meg, ikke lik meg som person men i utsende.

Når jeg gikk på barneskolen så var det en skole med ca. 300 elever. Det var en skole som man fint kan kalle en ikke flerkulturell skole, men en tradisjonell norsk skole på den tiden.

Med dette mener jeg at jeg var den eneste som ikke var ”etnisk” norsk, men i andres øyne kanskje litt annerledes.

En lang historie kort, veien med mobbing og tilpasningsvansker ifht andre skoleelever, pensum og holdninger, ble en sentral bit i det store puslespillet.

Mobbingen startet i stor grad ifht min hudfarge, da det ble påpekt i mange sammenhenger og situasjoner i skoletiden.

Blir du mobbet over en lang periode, så blir du vant til det, du blir vant til å bli kalt det ene og det andre. Du setter deg automatisk i en forsvarsposisjon å du lever med det. Det er nok kanskje en av grunnene til at jeg ikke reagerer den dag i dag på enkelte ting.

Bilde fra Romerikes blad

Det skjedde en endring i negativ retning på barneskolen, sinne og aggresjon ble min utvei i de fleste pressede situasjoner. Som barn var jeg tynn, liten og spe å hadde ingenting å stå opp med mot de store gutta.

Men en ting hadde jeg som jeg tror også mange andre har, jeg var flink til å kopier andre, ” lære” av deres holdninger og frese fra meg når jeg ble sint. Det gikk så langt at jeg tok igjen, ikke med vold men med verbal irettesettelse. Det gikk så langt at jeg ble respektert, ikke respektert fordi jeg var den jeg var, men fordi at jeg tråkket over linjen, satte meg selv i forsvar og mobbet tilbake.

Jeg har sett hvor såret et barn kan bli, jeg har sett svakheten til de tøffe gutta etter mine mangfoldige utalelser, men glemte helt hvem jeg var som person. jeg ble fort mer opptatt av at de andre skulle føle på den indre psykiske smerten som jeg hadde hver gang jeg gikk i korridorene på skolen, inn på toalettet eller forbi de åpne klasserommene.

En personlighet fra en dyp, urolig og følsom person, forvandles til et forståelig sinne.

I dag så er min oppgave og opplyse, informere og engasjere elever ved skolen til å si i fra tidlig. Mobbing er et kjent tema som vi alle snakker og hvor mange føler en tilhørighet.

Jeg blir oppriktig provosert når jeg besøker skoler, hvor lærere eller rektorer klarer å lire av seg, at skolen er mobbefri. Jeg tørr å si såpass at en mobbefri skole finnes ikke i dagens samfunn, det er så mange arenaer som må sjekkes før man kan utale seg om at skolen er mobbefri.

Men det store spørsmålet jeg stiller meg, som verken jeg kan besvare, men som jeg kan reflektere om er som følger: Hva kan vi som unge voksne, voksne gjøre for å forebygge mobbing i skolen?

  • God kommunikasjon og samhandling,.
  • snakke godt sammen om hvordan klassemiljøet skal være.
  • Utforme en positiv kultur i forhold til  hvordan elever skal være mot hverandre.
  • Hilse på hverandre når man kommer og går (hei, hade og god helg)
  • Avslutte uken med 1 positivt ord til han/hun du sitter ved siden av i klasserommet.
  • Hemmelig venn konseptet
  • Åpenhet om hvordan man har det
  • Se,hør og forstå barna/ ungdommen

 

Barn lærer mobbeadferd av foreldrene

Snakker du mye om andre, havner ofte i trøbbel eller krangler om småting, vil barna dine lære at det er greit å samhandle med andre på denne måten.

NB! Jeg må presiserer at jeg ikke synes mobbing er greit, eller akseptabelt. Mobbing kan bli til et våpen, et forsvar som man må ty til for å komme seg igjennom hverdagen. Dette våpenet har jeg sett mange benytte seg av etter mange år med mobbing, jeg forstår dere og jeg forstår at dere har det vondt.

 

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