Til deg som ikke har AD/HD

Af

Det synes bare ikke, og du kan ikke forstå det. Selv om det ikke veier noe er det tyngre enn selve livet å bære. Det lever noe inni meg, noe jeg ikke kan styre eller stoppe. Som jeg daglig forsøker å styre for å fungere normalt.

  • Jeg skulle ønske at du på noen måte hadde vært i stand til å dele min virkelighet, forstår min verden, akkurat som jeg tvinges å leve i din.
  • Jeg ønsker at, om bare for en dag, at du fikk muligheten til å bli kjent med virvelvinden i min kropp og frustrasjonen som vises når jeg ikke kan følge dens bevegelser.
  • Jeg skulle ønske at du fikk til å føle rastløsheten som raser i kroppen min, den som man blir gal av og holde inne.
  • Jeg skulle ønske at du forstod at hver gang du prøver og roe meg ned eller sakte ned mitt tempo, så faller jeg totalt i grus.
  • Det føles som å ha en vekt rundt kroppen min, jeg føler meg innestengt, kvalt og ønsker bare å slå meg løs.
  • Jeg trenger å fly fritt i mitt eget tempo, ellers faller jeg helt. Jeg prøve å få deg til og forstå at det ikke er av ondskap eller latskap at jeg ikke kan håndtere visse situasjoner eller håndtere forskjellige ting, og at hver gang jeg mister eller glemmer ting, så er det allerede et nederlag for meg.
  • Jeg trenger ikke eventuelle påstander eller beskyldninger, det hjelper ikke meg. Det legger allerede et lag av sorg og frustrasjon på fjellet jeg allerede bygget opp inne i meg.
  • Jeg skulle ønske du kunne forstå min frustrasjon over å bli avbrutt, fordi hver gang jeg snakker meg bort klarer jeg ikke å finne tilbake.
  • Jeg beklager at jeg ikke kan høre på deg, mine tanker flyr bort til et ukjent mål, når dette skjer, er det vanskelig og stoppe dem, uansett hvor hardt jeg prøver.
  • Jeg ønsker at hver gang du spør hva det er, tro på min forklaring som er at jeg ikke vet. At svaret er skjult, selv for meg.
  • Jeg skulle gjerne vist deg følelsen av angst som stadig lever inni meg, det er som et stor mørkt hull i magen, men det forvandles til luften når jeg tar den i hånden min.

 

Noen ganger ønsker jeg at det var synlig på utsiden, eller at det var inngravert i pannen min som en påminnelse til deg at jeg ikke jobber på samme måte som deg. Slik at du husker at hver gang jeg blir opprørt eller frustrert, har jeg allerede prøvd alt jeg kan … men ikke nådd helt fram … og at ingen er mer lei seg enn jeg er.

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